I made it!!!!!!

2008.04.01 - 15:37

AHHHHHHH!!!!!! It went through! I got accepted!!! I'm going to Japan next school year!!!! :D :D :D

I'm very excited, but of course, this excitement is dampened by my eye injury and stress problems. D; My eye *is* getting a little better, though. The pupil is slowly but surely getting smaller as time goes by, but in turn it hurts more now. As for my stress, it is also slowly but surely starting to go back down to manageable levels. It's all very complicated....

But the point is that I got in. Thank you so much to all of you who have encouraged me- all your words have gotten me this far, and will help me to continue on despite any hardships I might encounter. Thank you. I really mean that.

Now, it's night time and my roommate wants to sleep, so I'd better wrap this up. XD (it's 2:30am)

I have a new mountain of paperwork to go through for my acceptance. Gosh, it's going to be so hard trying to find the time to go through all of it. And I still have to get my passport!! :O Time is NOT on my side right now.... XD


lvl. 2- BEATEN!

2008.02.01 - 13:21

So, if level one was turning in my study abroad essay, level two would be getting it passed by my university on to the big guns over at ISEP, and guess what- Mine got passed on!! :D

I'm excited! But I'm a little nervous. I just found out this morning. I was really late for my math class and I had a test today and I'm pure shit (pardon the language x.x) at math. Right as I'm walking out the door, I get a phone call from the study abroad office:

phone: "Hello, this is the study abroad office. We were wondering if we could have you turn in your check today for the application."

me: "....huh?"

phone: "Didn't you get our email? We sent out an email last wednesday."

me: "WHAT?! AN EMAIL?? IDIDN'TGETONEPLZTELLMEWHATISGOINGONNAOKTHX. O___________O"

phone: "Um, we've decided to send your application on to ISEP to see if you can be placed with them. Now, for the one you signed up for, you'll need to write over a check for $315."

me: "OKOKOK"

phone: "Oh, and we need it by noon today."

me: "......*looks at clock that says 10:50am- math class is at 11:10* Errr, sure, yeah, I can do that. >_>;;;;; "

phone: "Great! Thanks! We'll see you then!"

me: "How am I going to do this? I'm already late. x.X"

I went outside to wait for the bus to take me to class, thinking I'll take the test and then haul ass to the study abroad office and write them a check before noon. The bus was taking its sweet time, so suddenly I decided to go immediately to the SAO. Mind you, it was 32F/0C outside at that point, and I didn't mention before but my ankle's been bothering me from an old injury- the cold was a bad thing to be speed walking in.

Some how I make it to the office (in my hurry, I went to the wrong door first lolz), threw down my stuff, wrote a check, and sort of tossed it at the lady asking her if it looked right. She said yes, and as I turned to leave to run to my math test, she stops me and hands me *a whole new stack of friggin' paperwork!* And delays me for another 3 minutes telling me about it- honestly, I don't remember much of what she said. I was cold, and very, very late.

Finally I'm out, and I take a back way to get to the original part of my university called 'the hill'. Now, it's called 'the hill' for a reason- it's on a huge freaking hill, and the stairs to get up it are intense and even worse in the cold because you end up breathing hard and thus sucking up all the cold air, and from experience that makes you sick with coughs and stuff. The back way I took eliminated close to half of the stairs, but the other ones still loomed in front of me. I forgot my scarf this morning in my haste to get out, so as I'm almost at the top with two more flights to go, I'm feeling really cold and tired and my ankle hurt and the parts of my head behind my ears hurt like no other and I thought I wouldn't make it. Finally, I get to the top. But lo and behold, two more flights to make it up to the math building- the oldest building on campus and also a major icon of my school. Once I get inside, I almost fell over, but no! I kept on. I make it to my math test with 2 minutes to spare before the test was actually handed out- I was 5 minutes late for class.

Do not ask me how the test went- I don't remember. :|

Now, however, my ankle is completely out of commission! XD It feels like it's sprained again when it isn't (hopefully- I didn't do anything, really, to sprain it.). So I've got it propped up and am trying to think of how I'm going to go about making it to class tomorrow. :B At least tomorrow's friday, so then I can have all weekend to be an invalid. XD Joy.


Study abroad, c'est fin finallement. (英語 ^^;)

2008.01.28 - 07:33

I FINALLY turned in my application the other day. I am RELIEVED, but it was so stressful making sure everything got in.

However, I'm a bit worried because two days ago, I had another anxiety attack. : / I went to the student health center the next morning so that I could be checked out and make sure I was fine- I got this one heart palpitation that sent a shooting pain down my left arm and it reminded me of those stupid drug commercials that say 'if you get shooting pains down your arms, you could be having a heart attack'. XD Suffice it to say, that didn't help calm my thoughts that night. :B

What set it off was that I saw something wrong with my *good* eye that night and I thoroughly freaked thinking, "oh my god, I don't need anything to go wrong with my other eye now!!"

To back track a bit, About 5 years ago I went to New Mexico for a week for the Balloon Fiesta, and since it's so dry, everyone there has bloodshot eyes. I was no exception, except that when I came back home, there was one small red section next to the colored part of my eye that never went away. It was always just some fuzzy, non-defined red spot, and I never really thought twice about it (I mentioned it after I went back, but it wasn't thought important by my parents) thinking it was just a part that never went away. However, the other day, after all this time, I go to look in the mirror and suddenly my spot is defined- you can see the veins- and it looks blood red. I thought I was bleeding on the inside of my eye. That set me off. The next day, after all this stuff and the sweats and the shakes and all that comes with these attacks, I go to the student health center first thing in the morning and make them take me in right away (I had no idea what the hell was wrong with me XD). The doctor tells me that what I have is sort of common, but isn't too well known about. All they know is that it happens when you go to really dry places that have a lot of ultra-violet light, and he couldn't think of a better place than when I'd gone to new mexico! XD He said it never interferes with eye sight, but on some extreme cases it starts to grow out either towards or away from the center of the eye and has to be trimmed (me: trimmed? wtf?!), but that I don't have that and shouldn't worry. But that it'll probably never go away, but like he said it'll never affect my vision.

Well, I haddn't been sleeping that well lately thanks to working my 1-4am job, and it's been UBER dry in my dorm this winter, so those two things caused it to look scary and that was all. To counter it now, I've been filling up my sink with water at night to act as a kind of primitive humidifier and have quit my 1-4am job so that I can SLEEP. Now, my red patch has gone back to being just a fuzzy red patch- no veins or blood colors, just what I consider 'normal' for it. XD

But the anxiety attacks, they're something else entirely. I'm going to be seeing a shrink for it because even the shrink said that going abroad with these problems is BAD because change and lack of sleep are big triggers for the attacks, and I fully agree. I found out last night that even talking about change puts me on edge. I was out eating with some friends last night when one of them said, "I wonder what we'll all end up doing after college?" me: ".....:| x_x I don't feel good, I wanna go home."

So....hah. It's been interesting. A very curious kind of torture, but interesting none the less. I've been living off of british comedies to keep me in good spirits and to help me go to sleep at night, since night time is the worst for me. I feel much better today, though, and ended up staying up really late watching "The Mighty Boosh". XD "Alright, yea' foxy vixen, get in me wheelbarra." XD Priceless.

Here's to hoping I'll survive and recover in time to make it to japan. x.x


Personal problem time lol (英語）

2008.01.22 - 15:43


Right, so I had another mini anxiety attack tonight. It wasn't anything too bad, but it was enough to make me worry. I think what caused it tonight is that I had a small, concentrated pain shooting up my bottom eyelid of my bad eye, and it worried me. So, when I tried to go to sleep before work, I was unknowingly too stressed out and couldn't sleep. (;_;)

The result was that I got to work my 1-4am work shift without sleeping before hand. Sometimes that's okay, but sometimes it's not depending on how my previous days had been. That being said, it's been alright these past few days, so I think I'll be okay in the morning when I have to get up at 10am. I'm working right now, and I just got on...

So, I should be okay. I have a lot of stuff to do tonight for school tomorrow- monday has been a holiday for Martin Luther King Day, a civil rights activist from the 1960s incase any of you don't know, so we had a three day weekend. Honestly, it's a pretty pointless holiday, but it makes people feel good and we get a day off school so no one's really complaining. XD

In other good/stressful news, I turn in my study abroad application today!! (x.x) I'm so nervous! And the application fee is going to be $345 and it's going to wipe out my account completely. This is why I can't quit my crappy 1-4am job yet- I need the money because I still don't have all my textbooks for classes yet and at this point I can't afford them now. (X_x) But we'll see. My father's had to look for work, and he's pretty sure he's got a job that'll pay him pretty soon, and he said he'd give me some money, so it's a little bit of a relief. (^^;)

So, I hope my eye chills out. My pupil's gotten noticeably smaller lately which is GOOD and part of why it could be hurting. But sharp pains are unusual to what I've been having, so I've been worried. I'm okay, though. Gotta think of the song "dears" haha. "誰にも僕は止められない！...今は太陽があがらなくても、降り出した雨はいつかやむんだね。"


長い　長い　夜だ。

2008.01.17 - 15:26

ただい、まアルバイトをします。
ここで一時間の朝です。
一時から四時まで、働きます。
叫びたいと思う! (;o;)
私の交通事故から、目が傷害です。
目が覚めている遅いとどまることは悪いですね...


古い5件